if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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