I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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