AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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