the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
