party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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