she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
