if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
