nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
