I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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