my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
The air taste purple.
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