you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I deserve this hangover.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
