He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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