Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
