when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
