everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
