all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
