So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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