Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
