So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
