If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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