Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
