TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
