My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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