no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
