Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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