Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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