So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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