i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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