I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
