Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
