Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
