So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
