Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
