my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
