theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
