Betty ford says i'm here all night
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
