Just fell off a train. Bad.
id be glad to
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
