I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
