im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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