Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
