I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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