am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
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