i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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