so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
