I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
