you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
