3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
