Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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