so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
