it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
