Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
