apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
